Passing Afternoon
by Woman-Like Girl
Summary: House's thoughts after Amber's death, about his life and how his stupidity made him lose his best and only friend. "And he comes back to suffer some more...and to watch. Watch as...He Walked away." Please Read and Review. Thanks.


**A/N:**

So this is really a small one-shot about the last episode, House's thoughts about his life and losing his best friend. There are little italic phrases in the fanfic, they were retrieved from the song "**Passing Afternoon**" -which explains the title- from the band "Iron and Wine", it was the song that played at the end, when House walks out of the bus and from that scene on.

I just cried so hard with that scene with House and Amber at the bus that I had to write a fanfic. Hope you all...er...find something to like here.

Thanks for reading and please review!

--

'_There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon'_

He walked away.

**He** walked away.

He **walked **away.

He walked **away.**

And House watched, and House broke, and he wanted to run to do something, to yell! To say he was sorry and to beg for Wilson's forgiveness for this time he really messed everything up. He wanted to speak, to cry, to actually be able to make his brain work faster so he could _react faster. _

He could feel his throat in a knot, his eyes burning, there was more tears falling down from his blank eyes to his cheeks on his expresionless face, he should wipe thm away, he should hide his pain. But nothing could enter his mind because all that was going through it right now was the image of Wilson leaving him behind, alone, in a hospital bed.

Cuddy woke up, desperate, a crying House apparently scared more than a commatose one. She called doctors over and soon there nurses, doctors, Foreman, Thirtheen, everyone. But everywhere he looked there was these awful disapproving looks. The ones that screamed what he had done.

They put a tranquilizer on him, he knows. He was barely able to move his head now. Silent tears fell, there was no masking how he felt this time. He had already cried in front of Wilson anyway, and Cuddy. What was the point of pretending now?

He lost his best friend. His _only _friend. The only person he can say he actually gives a shit about.

You see, House was always possessive of Wilson. He had always been jealous whenever the other man had a new relationship and did his best to ruin it, he would be selfish, demanding, clingy and all of those things that annoyed Wilson to an unimaginable extent. He knows the rumors, the ones mentioning their friendship - about how he is actually gay and madly in love with Wilson. This is wrong...wrong because...

He just never realized that by taking that bus he would end someone's life. And not remember, as if his mind was trying to protect him from it. When he shouldn't have been protected...not when it was his fault that...

'_There are things we can't recall, Blind as night that finds us al'l_

Someone precious to Wilson **died**. Someone that meant the world to him and that by dying, took a piece of Wilson along with her. The piece that put up with House. So you see, this whole being in love thing can't be right. House would never intentionally hurt someone he loves no matter how much of an ass he has become over the years.

The only thing is, it wans't intentional. The first time House was able to do some real damage to whatever it is that he has with Wilson and he didn't mean it. And he had almost lost his life just so he could make Wilson's better.

And he had risked his existence so Wilson's would be happier. And he would give anything, _anything, everything _to trade places with Amber.

"_You think I should risk my life, to save Amber's?" Water-eyed and broken voiced House asked to his best and only friend. _

_He hoped on that second that Wilson __**at least **__hesitated. _

_A nodd, and House realized that his life meant nothing anymore. And his world crumbled._

After that House thought that he could at least die. If his life is suddenly so unimportant than what was the point in living? He is under constant pain, has no goals in his life, is a drug addicted, never had a stable relationship -and never will-and the only person that actually meant something in his life would rather see him dead than love Amber.

House thought that all of these things –along with the heart wrenching guilt- would be enough punishment for a lifetime. That he had paid for all of his sins. So, death seemed like a plausible request. Eternal sleep seemed like something appealing, but it was denied to him.

"_You can't always get what you want."_ He remembered her saying right before he walked off the bus. He just wondered though...

**Why can't he **_**ever **_**get what he wants?**

And he comes back to suffer some more...and to watch.

Watch as...

**He walked away.**

'_There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days'_

_--_

**A/N: **

To those who don't read the author's notes from the beginning, the italic phrases are from the song Passing Afternoon from the band Iron and Wine, of the episode's last songs.

Hope you found something you liked.

Please, please review. Thanks.


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